Rambling On… It’s what I do

Edit:  This should have appeared before “I Could Swear…” which I wrote today, may 6.  I did this one April 25 and it somehow ended up in drafts.  

It has been a shocking 10 days since my last post.  When I started this project I had hoped to post daily or at least every other day.  But either I have been really busy or so un-busy that a thought has not crept through my brain.

But today I have thoughts.   Not major ones.  My brain is not doing “major” thinking lately.

Is anyone besides me afraid that by the time November comes around we will be so sick of these people that we will just write in our own names?  I am tempted.  As each day passes, I like all three of them less and less.   I really wonder why we just don’t have a national primary/caucus day and be done with it.  If any of you know, I would be interested to hear it.  Is the reasoning now outdated?  

I am annoyed with myself for never having done the cleaning I had so blithely and optimistically described several weeks ago.  And it has to get done because even I — the least domestic of all the goddesses — am depressed just looking at the place.

The much anticipated interview never happened.  So I am still unemployed.  And still liking it.  Is it un-American to say that work blows and except for a paycheck there does not seem to be much merit in it?  Maybe it is just the work I do. 

I helped my mother clean out her attic.  Hahaha.  The stuff that was up there!  I found my copy of “Are You There God?  It’s Me, Margaret”.  Any girl who was a pre-teen/early teen in the 1970s (and probably beyond) has read this one.  How we couldn’t wait to get our periods!  (and how stupid that wish was when they finally came).  How our boobs were not coming in fast enough (We Must, We Must, We Must Increase Our Bust!  Admit it ladies, we all tried that little exercise!)   I re-read it the other day and was surprised by how much I remembered.  I also found a classic Nancy Drew (which I re-read as well).   The unlikelihood of things happening as they did was lost on me all those years ago, but, geez, she was more lucky than smart.  But how I loved her.   I also found — and mercilessly teased my sister afterwards– a half written letter she wrote to the boy she was dating at 15.  She called him a “Greek god.”  I remember him well.  A scrawny, pimply 15 year old boy with some sort of fuzz on his face.  How we women (at any age!) can spin reality into fantasy and believe it.   It was a lot of work but we found some things that really made us laugh.  Dad’s leisure suits.  Mom’s polyester orange flowered long dress.  Pictures.  Memories of some pretty good times.   I also found a ticket stub for “A Chorus Line” from 1983.  Balcony seat:  $8.50.  That same seat probably goes for at least $75 today.  I also found ticket stubs for a Shaun Cassidy concert.  LOL.  Attic cleaning is good for the soul…not so much for the back.

Spent some yummy time with the boyfriend this week.  This week’s comic relief?  A bee was buzzing loudly between the window and his blinds.  He decided to do something about it.  I, recalling what I learned at the Bee Movie, said to spray some water on him as they cannot fly with wet wings.  (I was not for killing it because of the bee population problem.  But I was not for getting stung either.)   So as he is busily acting like Bee Sprayer General he suddenly realized he was naked in front of his window, flailing about.  The way the blinds were I doubt you could get a good look.  I suggested to him that he may have made some bored housewife’s day.   He certainly made mine.  But then, he always does.  Some time ago I was fretting because we never argue, even when we disagree.  How can this be a real relationship when there is little conflict and very little pain inflicted by one on the other?   That might tell you something about my history.  That this good stuff would cause me worry.  But it is good and I am happy.  And trying not to mumble about waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Next weekend I am off to Boston for my baby cousin’s graduation.  She is getting a master’s in finance.  She is bright.  She is cute.  And I worry about her because she lacks  the ability to compromise.  Everything with her is black and white.  I fear this will cause her unnecessary pain.  I think it already has.  But it will be a good time.  And a welcome change of scene.  And maybe we can have a little talk.

And these ramblings are all for today.

 

I Could Swear…

I had posted more recently than April 15 but then again.   The days do fly by and it hardly seems possible that we are a week into May already.

I spent this past weekend in Boston where I went to see my young cousin receive her MA in Economics.  I really envy her.  Twenty four,  a cute apartment in the most charming neighborhood, a job she has just started but really likes in a company that is clearly not stuffy and soul-crushing and a whole world of possibilities out there.  

When I was 24 I was working for the nuttiest woman I had ever met (to that point), in a stimulating atmosphere where 2 hour lunches and 10% raises were the norm.  (Yes, the 80’s were a good time!)  I was dating a much older man who was charming, smart, accomodating, hot and who taught me a lot.  (Minds out of the gutter please! Yes, I learned a few things in that area but he also taught me a lot about life in general — many things I use to this day).   I felt that I had the world at my feet back then.

Now, 20 years later, I wonder what happened.  How did I end up with essentially nothing?   It never occurred to me back then that I would single and childless in my 40s.  That I would be looking for work that I knew was meaningless.  That work would become about a paycheck and nothing else.   i guess I am just a little depressed today.  I just feel old and tired and unenthusiastic.

I just remembered.  I DID do another post!  It entailed the details of cleaning out my mother’s attic!   It was good!  It never appeared! 

And I don’t have the energy to rewrite it.  Maybe it is in the draft pile.

This is certainly not a cheerful post.  Maybe I will feel better tomorrow.  Maybe things will seem less dreary.

 

Beware the Ides of April

Quite a number of years ago, Tax Day was March 15 tying in quite well with the Shakespearean quote “Beware the Ides of March.”   Then it got moved to April.  And still – even with an “extra month” the 11:00 news will set up camp at the 24 hour post office in Manhattan where there will be people actually still filling out their forms as the clock and the line tick ever so closer to midnight and the clerk’s desk.

I dropped mine off at the post office this afternoon.   I was bummed to owe, considering I only worked for 4 months last year.  But I was considered “self employed” and did not have the scratch to pay in April or July.   But for once in my personal history I did not owe NYS taxes.   For those of you who live in New York State, you know how rare that is.  Somehow, even when you have extra withheld, you still end up owing.  If you get money back from them you are blessed.  And I am sure they will look into the matter to avoid such a travesty next year.

I am glad it is done.  As if I did more than fill out a questionairre from my CPA and sign what I got back and mail forms and a check away.  But it is — to me — always a production.   Like everything else with me!

Have just seen the Pope disembark from  his plane, greet the Bushes and receive a warm reception from the crowd.  He looks well for 81.  Came down the airplane steps much better than I would.  That knee of mine is acting up again and just plain hurts.    Tomorrow, he will visit the White House where he is expected to talk about the War with the President.  (Oh to be a fly on the wall.)  Popes, in general, not that big on war.  Modern popes anyway.  The older ones… they were a little more aggressive and pushy. 

I guess at some point he is going to have to talk about the priest crisis — both the criminal as well as the fact that boys just don’t sign up that fast for the priesthood anymore.   Can’t imagine why.  But things will not change under this pope’s watch.  He is a strict interpreter of canon law and not likely to make any drastic changes.   Maybe the next one will.   

My Mets are doing “eh.”   I never get too worked up til early June anyway.  Then if things are still bleh, I will start panicking.  Last night, David Wright was on Letterman.   He seems calm, cool and collected about the whole thing. 

IS HE CRAZY!  11 games gone and not even at .500.  Stop looking happy and relaxed.  You should be drinking Mylanta like I am!!!  

So I lied.

Yes, beware the Ides of April indeed.

 

 

And the beat goes on…

So last Wednesday the lady from the employment agency called.  Did she want me to send my resume to the job in midtown?  I reminded her that we already talked about it and I said to go ahead.  She then told me that the guy wanted to see resumes in a lower price  bracket.  Now he is apparently willing to pay more after seeing those.  Maybe news tomorrow.

Tomorrow I am going to a reunion of 25 or so former co-workers from the company I worked for until last year.  Well, no that is not accurate.  Coworkers from the company that existed before the unfortunate buyout.  The good company.  The one without a tarnished reputation.    Anyway it should be fun.  Most of these people are still in the industry so are in town for a trade show. 

Then — unless he is still not right — I get to see the boyfriend on his day off Wednesday.    He had a cold last week.   He took 3 days off.  I offered to go over and take care of him but he said it wasn’t necessary.  He says he will call me to take care of him when he has something serious.  “Hello, Darling?   Can you come take care of me?  I have Bubonic Plague.”  

The Mets hit a snag this past week with Pedro Martinez straining his hamstring.  They are saying 4-6 weeks.  I think we will be lucky to see him before mid-late June.   Suddenly things are looking less sunny.  It is character building to be a Mets fan.

Spent Saturday watching my nephew.   I let him have a popsicle at 6 at night, before dinner.  Because I am wicked that way.   He ate fine and I only got a routine look of a disapproval.   I work for free.  She doesn’t have much leverage in these matters.

In case you were wondering, spring cleaning not done and I have an iffy attitude on things.

Nevertheless we perservere and keep going…..

Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks

My favorite season is not winter, fall, summer or spring.  It’s baseball season.  And it has started.

My beloved Mets opened their season against the Marlins yesterday.  Johan Santana made his long awaited, much vaunted debut.  And he did very well.  The Mets won and are off to a good start.

And all is right in Hazeleyes’ world.

============================================

One of the employment agencies called yesterday with the news that they have 2 possibilities.  Would I be interested?  They both sounded okay so my resume is being sent off.   No news as of yet.   The woman I talked to had placed me in a good job about 15 years ago.  I am hopeful she can do it again.   She told me that in all the years she has been working in  a personnel agency (almost 25) she has never seen it this bad for this long.  That is what I am finding as I look online and in the papers as well.    So I am hopeful that one of these possibilities turns into a reality.

I wonder if there is any chance of this recession turning into a depression.   And I wonder what the difference is.  Will look into it and report back!

Two Weeks and Not a Word

I would love to say I have not written a word because I have spring-cleaned my way to a spotless, organized apartment and a healthy, happy frame of mind.  But…no.

I started out with every good intention.  And then they fled.  I ended up having to interrupt the official week with sudden nephew sitting and this week saw the death of the mojo.  But I am not totally  in despair.  It will get done because I have decided that next week will not see me leave this house until it is done.  I will leave only for food, supplies and maybe a job interview. If one comes up.

I watched a fascinating 2 parter on Oprah this week.  Actually I watched 3 Oprahs this week which is unusual because even though I am home I don’t watch a lot of daytime TV.  The first show had Billy Joel and his wife on.  She is adorable as all heck.  They have a nice house in the city, too.  He sang and he can still sing, although time has taken something off the high notes.  It happens to all singers I guess.  What interested me though was that I had never seen him interviewed.  I have read interviews but never saw a televised one.  The dear man was stiff and nearly mono-syllabic.  Clearly he was there to help the wife push her cookbook.   I was surprised.  I always thought he was more animated.  But I guess he just does not do “couch talks” well.   And really, with Oprah bringing up his past issues with alcohol and his car crashes, I can hardly blame him.  None of that would have been what I would have asked him but that is me.  He perked up when Katie came out.  I have had older boyfriends.  But I don’t know if at 23 I would have married someone in his 50’s.  Still they seem happy enough.  But that is not the show I want to talk about. 

She had a 2 part episode on hoarders.   It was astonishing.  This couple – the wife mainly – had so much stuff in the house that you could hardly move.  The 2 of them could not even sleep in the same bed cuz it was covered too.   Among the stuff was 3000 purses, 3000 pairs of shoes,  and – to my astonishment – 3 boxes of pasta that had been on the floor so long that they had grown attached to the carpet.   Her kids had sent in the video and Oprah rode to the rescue.  An expert organizer came in and the house was emptied.  Pretty much everything went.   Ultimately, the “stuff” that could be rescued from this 3000 sf home required a 10,000 sf warehouse for the big rummage sale.   Then Oprah and her corporate friends redid the entire house.   My issue was, and I may have missed something because the boyfriend was shouting down the phone at someone over the stupidest thing, there was no real talk about her getting therapy.  A therapist was on hand but the hoarders did not appear to be going for any.   Anyone who fills their house with that much stuff has a problem.   It has been described as OCD- Hoarding.   I am not sure that a lovely new house will stop this woman from buying flyswatters by the case.  Or anything else.  

The reason it all resonated with me is because I have cluttered closets.  I am not a hoarder by definition.  I am disorganized and lazy by definition.

There I have said it. I hate housework and therefore avoid it until even I cannot stand it.   And I am there.   

So why am I blogging instead of sweeping and dusting?

Read the above paragraph,

I had a cleaning lady for a while and then when I lost my job I could not afford her.   It was nice to come home to a cleaner house but the clutter was not something she could do anything about.   And when she did move things, it caused a problem because she did not tell me where she was moving things to.

My procrastination is a big issue for me.    I handled it better when I was working.   Less free time kept me more on track. 

This has rambled and will be essentially meaningless to anyone who reads this.  But believe it or not, it has helped me enormously.  I have to go now.   I need to buy some more trash bags and soap pads.

Spring Cleaning

A cyber-friend of mine sent me her usual chatty email today and mentioned that she had “spring cleaned” two rooms and was starting on the next one.  It feels like she just finished her “fall cleaning” and yet she is at it again.  And this cleaning job she does is not a Swiffer and HandiWipe job.  Nope.  It is closets.  Curtains.  Walls.  Cabinets.   I remember in my childhood that my mother, grandmother, aunt — all of my female relatives, really — embarked on this effort.   They had “winter curtains” that had to be changed out for “summer curtains.”  All the crystal was washed, by hand.  The house was polished, washed, vacuumed and beaten within an inch of its life.  And afterwards, it smelled and looked great.  After reading this e-mail I looked at my own little nest, which is a nice sized 4 room apartment.   And it looks like it has been beaten within an inch of its life, without the benefit of a good cleaning.   So I am going to do a spring cleaning next week.   All but the walls because they really need a painting which will have to wait.   But if I can figure out how to do it without streakiness I may give it a go.  (My confidence in domestic matters wavers at times).

But I think it is not just our homes that require a spring cleaning.  It is our minds as well.   How many negative thoughts do we have every day?  How about bad attitudes?  How about pessimism?    How often do we have crummy thoughts and attitudes about ourselves that hold us back?   I think we need to clean out the crud that creeps into our brains every so often.   (or in some people’s cases, ahem, every day or just about).

So as I clean my little home I will also attempt to clear my brain of its cobwebs and dust.   And maybe, afterwards, we will both shine a little brighter.

Oh what a negligent blogger I be

A whole week and no post.

I came back from The MotherShip on Thursday after completing my Nephew duties.   I was sailing along quite cheerfully.  I ran an errand for the boyfriend and was underground and on my way home when I tripped near the train turnstiles and whacked my head on a support beam.  Two cops and a lady came to my aid.  Since I flew (sort of) about 7 feet I landed on my stomach, a knee and an elbow.  Ouchie.  A nice little bump sprouted and I have a bruise on my shin and elbow.  But everything feels better now.   The lump is kind of gone but it still feels tender when I touch it.  I know.  “So don’t touch it!”

The clocks sprung forward.  I hate it.  For a couple of days I always feel off.   I love having more time in the sun, so to speak.  But I hate feeling like I am late.

Not that I have any place to go at the moment that requires punctuality.

Gotta send stuff to the accountant.   I did not make much this year so hopefully I will not have to give anything to the IRS.  Sometimes I feel like they already get too much.   Well, always.  But then they need money to send us letters that we are getting a check in a separate mailing so they need the money.   I am not much interested in going on a spree so when/if I  get the lollipop (stimulus money) that W is giving us I will save it for the rainy day that will surely come.  Optimistic, aren’t I?  A regular Pollyanna.

Now I am going to watch the news and see if there are any developments in the scandal du jour…  these politicians just cannot seem to help it, can they?

A busy week!

A week has gone by without a post and I am suitably ashamed of myself.  Busy week.  I have been responsible for taking care of my nephew most days after school while my mom is out of town and Sis and the BIL worked.  We have had a delightful time – aside from the dead goldfish which have been replaced- but I am whooped with two days to go!   He is quite a character.  I had to read a spider book to him at least 700 times and participate in dogfights with his planes (he loves that stuff) as well as help him with his homework.  Which left the dogfights looking like tea parties.  This child hates homework.  I don’t know why they need to have any kindergarten but kindergarten today is what first grade was when I was that age so what do I know.  Still I enjoy him so much…

The boyfriend came in and spent the night with me at the house where I grew up.  It was fun.  We were in my old room and I was able to show him some stuff from my youth.  He met my nephew and really liked him.  He was able to again avoid meeting my sister.  Which is becoming a sore point between she and I.  The nephew only told her “he was nice” and when asked what he looked like, replied “like a boy.” 

My sister and I had a sisters’ day.  We laid around and talked, played Scrabble and ate some lunch.  She was exhausted from her first week back at work after knee surgery so the BIL and the nephew had a boys’ day away.  We really enjoyed ourselves.  Sister time is rare these days as if we are together we usually have the boy around or my mom.

It has been fun but I need to go back home soon and tend to my own business.  As much as I wish it would, that job is not going to knock on my door.   But I have certainly enjoyed having a washer and dryer and dishwasher at hand!

Sunday, a fun day, an I-don’t-have-to-run day

And old Hazeleyes is showing her remarkable ability to remember lyrics from 80s pop songs even as she has to think twice about what she had for dinner last night.

Today has been a rather pleasant Sunday thus far.  Had a long chat with my oldest friend (we have known each other since the age of 3).  Learned that a dear friend who has – for as long as I have known her (about 2 1/2 years) – wanted nothing more than to  be a grandma is going to get her wish granted in late October.   The radio has been playing songs I love.   And no one is pestering me for anything.  These are the days I love.

I have been musing on an old event and thought I would write about it here.   Some years back (early 1994)  I went to see a psychic of some renown.  He “reads” photos and auras and has a rep for being very accurate.  And he told me a lot about my past without being told.  And then we moved on to the future.

According to him:  I would never be married or have kids of my own but kids would be a major part of my life.  (So far true).   That I would have a long term relationship with someone — but they would never marry me.  I would never be rich.   (So far THAT is definitely true!!)   He also said I would live a fairly long life with reasonably good health.  (He said nothing about a stroke at 40!  But for now I am in good shape).   I was really unhappy with some of these predictions.  And yet I am not especially unhappy with my life although I admit I would like to get married.   I like to think that this foretelling had no impact on how I lived my life thus far.  I don’t often think about it to be honest but lately it has been floating around in my brain.   My life will unfold as it will,  I suppose, fortuneteller or not.

What do you all think of these things?  I am curious.

And I guess that is all for a lazy Sunday!