Hazeleyes Rambles…

April 5, 2009

Been a while

Filed under: Uncategorized — girlwithhazeleyes @ 1:43 pm

But I didn’t think it had been that long…

So a brief catch up.  The Thanksgiving thing went fine.  Everybody liked him and he liked everyone.  The holidays and right up til now has been fine.

Except that I am still unemployed.

I had a hopeful interview the other day.    I should hear tomorrow if they want me to come back.   The position would be something of a departure from my past working life but that could be very good and open different doors.

I am still optimistic but have to admit that money is turning to fumes.

The boyfriend is back in school.  And I am back to typing his essays.  This is trying on some levels as he is a horrific speller and I am often left to guessing at what the hell he is talking about.  But we persevere.  The other day we did dictation over the phone.  He yakking at twice the speed of typing.  He said I was getting snippy — which meant that I was trying to make suggestions which would improve the whole piece.  Still we got the job done and were back in each other’s   good graces shortly thereafter. 

My nephew continues to amaze and delight.  I don’t think I was as smart as he was when I was his age.  But then we didn’t have the advantages children do today.

Baseball season starts today.  I am overwhelmed with excitement.  My Mets take the field away from their new home not to return til next week.  But as someone who has sat through many a cold April game, it is not a bad thing.   I don’t know if the new stadium will be as windy but I am sure it is. 

My accountant has not yet called and I am sorely afraid.  For one thing,  I am sure I am going to get screwed.  I have taken dreaded distros out of IRA’s and while I have had what I believe was the appropriate amount taken out I suspect I will still owe.    But they cannot take blood out of a stone, can they?  I have nothing left for them to take.   We shall see. 

So that is all the news that is fit to print today.   How little has happened in 4 months!


November 19, 2008

Still here

Filed under: Uncategorized — girlwithhazeleyes @ 3:38 pm

Well.  I had no idea I did not post at all in October.  Since my last post,  I still did not get a job, the hated Phillies won the World Series and we have a new President all set to go.  And he looks like he might be a good one.  

That’s right, people, I am still unemployed.  I am starting to think there is something really wrong with me and/or my resume.   My last interview seemed to go well but I didn’t get the job.   All the HR person would say was that he chose someone else, no feedback, no nothing.   I am with a new temp agency who seem to be lively so maybe something will come up there.

I did the unbearable and took some money from my IRA.  I don’t care what Suze with the bad haircut says… when you have to live today, you can’t worry about 20 years from now.   Out of options and out of money.  No one to  borrow from and while my mother would be thrilled to have me move back home my sanity would not survive.  I love her dearly but she is hard to live with.   For one thing she complains about my BIL a lot, how my sister raises the Crown Prince, etc, etc.  What she expects me to do about any of it is not clear.  They seem pretty happy to me.

The boyfriend — my sweet sweet baboo — is coming for Thanksgiving dinner.  He has resisted meeting my family for 2 years but the time has come. He will be meeting 16 relatives.  He is feeling faint already.  I can hardly blame him.  I am looking forward to it though.  He is such a wonderful guy and I am very proud of him so it will be nice to share him with my family.   He will get some extra good nookie out of the deal later on.  It’s a win-win thing.  

I am super glad that this election is over and that the President Elect is being all presidential like already.  I am not sure about Hil for Secy of State.  Oh,  I think she is more than qualified.  But Bill, God love him, sometimes has connections and dealings that while certainly not seemingly illegal don’t come across well.  And does the new president need some Clinton poop backing up on him later?   And you know when you get one you get the other.   And they do add their own special drama to any occasion.  

Politics has certainly become more fun.

And politicians will become more fun when they get some of us back to work.

The baseball off season has been a snoozer so far.  My Mets have not done anything yet.  I suppose the action will really start at the winter meetings.   The needs list is long.  It would be a shame to go to our new baseball palace with the same stinking bullpen…. 

I am looking forward to Thanksgiving.  Aside from the boyfriend coming, it is my favorite holiday.  I get to see people, eat some of my favorite foods and not have to shop for anything.   What is better?

This year went by fast.   It has not been a good one for a lot of people.  Many people are in worse shape than me.  We can only hope that next year brings better things to light.

Happy Thanksgiving!

September 22, 2008

Oh For the Love of Pete

Filed under: Uncategorized — girlwithhazeleyes @ 4:35 pm

I don’t know who Pete is.  But seriously I am a disgrace.   A certain fellow blogger has taken me to task on how lazy I have been so here I am.   I just have not had much to say but as that does not seem to stop other bloggers or politicians, why should it stop me?

The baseball season is winding down.  Yankee Stadium has had its farewell, although being the Yankees they have a bigger do scheduled for November.  They picked November one would presume because they anticipated playing til the end of October.  But MLB has an edict about baseball events coinciding with the post season and discourage anything that detracts attention from the playoffs and world series.  So either reason would apply in April, but only the latter is applicable today.  And it makes my Met-loving, Yankee-loathing heart rejoice.  Not that the Mets are determined to make me happy.  No, they are dragging things out.  The bullpen implodes regularly, my colon spasms along with them and I wonder if there is a collective fear of success among the ranks.  Still our stadium closes with much fanfare next week.  Hopefully it is a false closing and there will be games in October but we shall have to wait and see. 

And of course, we have been treated to some fun with John and Barack for the past 200 years.  I am astonished that the GOP has insisted on modifying the debate rules for the Biden-Palin debate because their candidate would be at a disadvantage not being used to debating.  Now I ask you, if you can’t trust her to not fall apart and look like a ninny in a debate with one opponent, how will she fare in office should she get that far?   What would happen if the greatest fear of a potential McCain administration — him dropping dead or becoming incapacitated — comes to pass?   She can’t debate with one man but is supposedly ready — today — to take over and run the whole country?  And this logic makes sense to whom?   For the record, I am not registered with any party but if I were a Republican I would be embarrassed beyond belief.   There is an ancient Chinese curse “May you live in interesting times.”   Seems like someone in China has uttered this in our general direction.

In my life, nothing much is happening.  Things are good with the BF.  He is coming to Thanksgiving for the first time.   The nephew is resigned to his fate that his parents are not taking him out of school and letting him play all day.  He is a bright kid — just thinks sitting still and doing homework are absurd activities.  He is probably right.  Mom is in Italy and I am vacationing in her house on weekends.  I had a plumbing mishap last week.

Maybe one of my three readers can help with that.   The upstairs toilet overflowed quite mysteriously as there was not enough to block anything.  And then the bathroom floor flooded.  I got it all cleaned up only to discover that it leaked into a kitchen cabinet over the stove and onto the stove.  The water valve on the upstairs toilet was turned off by then and the leak had stopped.  I called to consult with my sister and she came over.  She recalled that mom had a similar situation last year.  It seems that there is a spot in the seam where the bathroom floor meets the bathroom wall which is not properly sealed and water can pass through there.   But the question I have is this.  When we turned on the water valve and flushed to refill the toilet bowl the water only rose to slightly above the “poop path” and not halfway up the bowl as usual.  The tank however, is at its normal level.  Any ideas?  I don’t have the money for a plumber so have been using the downstairs bathroom.  There have been no further incidents.  Does anyone have any ideas on how I could fix this myself?

My diet is not going well.  I need to lose 12 pounds before I see my doctor at the end of October. 

The job search is even worse.

But overall I feel fine and life could be worse. 

First day of fall.  My favorite season!  Hope you all enjoy the cooler weather!  Will post again.  Hopefully sooner rather than later!

September 1, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — girlwithhazeleyes @ 1:13 am

Just in Time Meme

Joe Flirt has tagged me with a Meme.  This is my first one and since I like Joe and did not realize it has been so long since a post, I am humoring him. Here are the rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you (done above).

2. Post the rules on your blog (this is what you are now reading).

3. Write 6 random things about yourself (see below).

4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them (This is only a game)

5. Let each person know they have been tagged and leave a comment on their blog

6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

1.  I sometimes eat my dinner out of the pot while standing at the stove.

2.  I love to sing but sing badly and look forward to resuming my lessons.

3. If I am sleeping alone, I cannot go to sleep without reading for a while.  When I am sleeping with someone else, I can go to sleep without reading.

4.  I require a larger sized hat than my boyfriend.  It disturbs me on some level.

5. I like calves liver but not chicken liver

6.  I can’t swim

I only have 2 bloggers I can pester.

1.  Dad’s Life

 2.Smart N Naughty

They will neither one appreciate it.

Now tomorrow I must post something.  I hope you are satisfied, Mr. Flirt.

August 6, 2008


Filed under: Uncategorized — girlwithhazeleyes @ 10:24 pm

That is my nephew’s favorite swear word.  He got it from that cartoon undersea sponge.  The reason he uses it is this.  One fine day he was sitting with his mom and asked “Mommy, how old do I have to be before I can say ‘crap’?”  My sister replied:  “Very old.  And Mommy would rather you not use it at all.”  “Okay, Mommy.  I won’t say crap.  But how old do I have to be to say ‘jackass’?”  So Barnacles is the official swear word of their house.

And my blog today.

I did not get the job I interviewed for last week.  I had done well, I thought.  But apparently he went with someone with more experience.  I assume he means the industry not actual years.  I have 20+ years.  So unless he hired Methuselah, I assume he meant industry.  That’s what the HR person said anyway.  I was encouraged to keep checking their website and to call her if anything piques my interest.  We’ll see.

Now it is back to the drawing board.  I did buy a nice new suit this weekend, ready for a callback.  I needed one anyway.

I tend to think being the first person interviewed is a handicap.  Sort of like on Idol.  By the time everyone sings and it is time to vote, who remembers the first singer?   It is what it is.  He seemed like a nice man and it seemed like a nice job and I am disappointed.  But it is not like I was interviewing to be George Clooney’s assistant — then I would be devestated.

Yesterday, after taking more blood tests last week ($205, thanks very much) I went to see my neurologist.  My BP was back on target but my cholesterol and blood sugar are a skooch high.  Have upped the statins but really, I was told, the best way to cut down both is to lose weight.  Which I am busy doing.  I have lost 7.2 pounds on Weight Watchers so far and am plowing on.   I must repeat these tests when I lose 50 pounds.  I need to lose more though.  I am to return at the end of October.  He does not expect 50 more pounds to be gone by then but it is clear he expects to see significant progress. 

I am very fortunate that my boyfriend who is thin and probably 10 pounds underweight and can eat like a hog at 2 a.m. and not gain an ounce is extremely supportive.  He loves me I guess.  He says I am beautiful.  And he says that he does not want me to have another stroke.  So he does not nag.  He encourages.  And gets a little “teachy” pointing out all I can do to move this along.  I let him go on because he thinks it helps me.  But it does not help me like he thinks it does.  It helps me because it shows he is interested and cares.  I have noticed that he has not had ice cream in the house and has had diet soda in the fridge lately.  It is sweet of him.

So Barnacles about the gig.

And everything else is okay.  The IRS/NYS nightmare appears to be over. 

But I still need a job.

This weekend looks like it will be cool.   Fall will be here soon and I cannot wait.  It will be nice to not need a shower when I only stepped out of it minutes before.  I also find fall energizing.  And I have lots to do.  By then I hope to have a job.  And I will be well on the road to losing that weight.  

So really, all is well.   Hopefully all is well with you all too.

July 24, 2008

I am a disgraceful blogger…

Filed under: Uncategorized — girlwithhazeleyes @ 7:01 pm

A whole month.  Nice.  I am quite a lazy girl.  But on I ramble….

I read a number of blogs pretty much daily.  Because these people — for one reason or another — fascinate me.  They also just have more interesting lives than I do.  But that may be changing.  I may be resuming normal programming soon.

I have an interview on Monday.  With a real company, with a real salary and real benefits.  Not like some of those nutty listings I have responded to on the list that fellow Craig runs.  

So I will put on my interview suit.  Do something with my hair.  Be as enthusiastic as possible about going back to office work and try to get this job.

But for the past year I have really enjoyed not working.  I got to spend oodles of time with my nephew.  Devote whole days midweek to the boyfriend who works every other weekend.  Read all day.  Sit on the porch.  Lunch with friends.  Stay out as late as I wanted to because I could sleep til whenever I wanted to.   I only lacked the money for travel, really, but otherwise I am fully prepared for retirement.   And mainly I have to go back for money and insurance.   I did not win any of the lotteries I planned to win.

Alas for me.

But I will be able to resume singing lessons and I am thinking of taking up ballroom dancing as well once I am working and have the cash.  So while my days might be duller I can do a bit more with my spare time.

Last week I got to tussle with our friends at the IRS.   I had been negligent in my duties and they froze my checking account which was all the liquid assets I had.  I did not find out until I went to take money out of my ATM and it would not give me any!   I went into the bank thinking maybe I de-magnetized my card and that was when I got the shocking news.  (Official notice arrived days later).   I was on my way to the boyfriend’s for a day of amore and instead he found a hyperventilating woman at his door.   Much hysteria on my part ensued.  Much calm on his.   The end result – after some phone calls that day and another the next — is that I had to yank some money out of my IRA (I KNOW!) and now all is well.   Two things about the IRS. One, they do have some nice sympathetic people working there, which shocked me since not long ago my sister was advised to change her lifestyle.  She has one car, rents and my mom provides free daycare.  She was supposed to cut out what?  Eating?  Two,  they really want their money.  And they will get it come hell or highwater, no matter how gentle they are being about it.  It was all my fault I got into this jam but I cannot help but wonder why they hunt down small potatoes like me and yet bail out Bear Sterns and the mortgage industry.   I mean, what I owe is enough for the Pentagon to buy about 12 toilet seats and a few hammers.

I think that is what irks me most.  These vague feeling that my money is squandered somewhere.   That they say “Oh look, here is Hazeleye’s taxes for the year.   Shall we allocate her to pay for the paper headrest covers on Air Force One or floor wax for the hallways in the Capitol.”  I am sure these things are very necessary and someone has to pay them.   But I would rather they say “Oh look. let’s send Hazeleyes’ money to the Mississipi Gulf for post Katrina relief or for goverment funded research into cancer”.  Or even to feed soldiers or sufficiently armour them.   All of that I can go for.  Pork I cannot.

My mother turns 70 tomorrow.  It feels wierd.  She is fairly young acting and does not seem like the same kind of 70 my grandma was.   But I think I am a much younger 44 than my mom was.   I don’t know if this is reality or perception.

Since you don’t really know me, you can’t say.  But if you want to be chosen Commenter of the Month and win absolutely  nothing, please go with “reality.”

A lovely acquaintance of mine, Barbara Suter, has written a book “Dorothy on the Rocks.”  If you want a different kind of chick lit  I highly recommend it.  You will laugh til you are sick and you will also cry your eyes out.  It is at bookstores all over, and on amazon.   There are hysterical scenes that take place in the world of children’s theater and they alone are worth the price of the book.

I hate summer.  This humidity is killing me.  It really is.   It saps the strength out of me and makes me look like I have been hit by a truck.    I should move but I have some incentive to stay at the moment.

But Fall will come and that is the best time of year here.  That crisp air.  The color of the sky.  It will come soon.  Right?  Because this summer cannot last forever.   “Endless Summer” being fine for the Beach Boys, but not for me.

My mother thinks my life and my hair are a mess.  Unemployed, uninsured (well that is a bad thing), and my hair…  It is long and has some gray.  She feels I would look great in a bob.  I try to explain that my face and body are not made for cute little pixie bobs.  The gray keeps coming back.  The boyfriend is a wierd dude who loves the grays.  He does not even care that I am not thin.  (What a freak, eh? : ) )  Since I was old enough to have hair my mother has had a problem with it.  Too long, too short, too many highlights, too few, too light, too dark.   She has a vendetta against my hair.  She spent her late 40’s-60s in the valley of the blonde.  (She covered every possible blonde shade except for platinum).   She does not have the complexion to be blonde but in her head she was the perfect blonde.   I think her dissatisfaction with her hair has transferred to me.   It is annoying.   She does not bug my sister about her hair much.  I don’t know why.  Maybe because she has my sister’s husband, parenting and housekeeping to harangue  her about.  I love my mom.  But if she passed one day without remarking on my hair or my sister’s life I would faint into a coma.   She is not a happy person but she does not realize she makes herself unhappy.  If she let us go with our own flow she would be happier.  Of course, it could be that if she stopped complaining she would go mute.

Now I see why I have not blogged in a month.  I really have nothing interesting going on.   But since I know at least one person may be by next week, I will tell all about my interview on Monday.    Maybe some of you will have some ideas about how I can readjust my body clock.   I am til up til 2 or 3 and then sleep til 10 or later.  Hard to do when you are working and it is not the evening shift.

June 28, 2008


Filed under: Uncategorized — girlwithhazeleyes @ 1:37 pm

No.  Today’s post is not about those nasty little bowls of dried flowers and whatnot, the scent of which gives me a migraine…  It is a post about a lot of things…

I am not blogging as much as I thought I would.  I think it’s the weather or my feelings that I do not have much to say of interest.  But then, I go off into blogland and see that a lot of people are blogging happily away and have nothing to say of interest so why not me?

I was waiting for the uptown #1 train the other night when I noticed a couple a few feet away from me.  They were wearing t-shirts proclaiming the words “Just Married.”  They were adorable.  Two older men, probably late 60s or so, proclaiming their status and their love for all the world to see.   I was delighted.  They looked as if they had been together for many years.   Love seems hard to find and harder to keep and I think it should be celebrated at every turn.  This nonsense about marriage being only between a man and a woman has  to stop.   I do think it needs to be limited to 2 people mainly because it makes things messy emotinally to go beyond that.  And I am afraid I must exclude dogs, goats and other livestock as they have no free will.  But I have never seen what the problem is for gay people to marry.  They are raising kids, they own property together, they often stay together longer than a good percentage of married couples today.  If they want to get married, let them.  I really don’t see who is being hurt by this.   Disapproving family I guess…   At any rate, they were sweet to see and I wish them both well. 

This week was busy.  Had dinner with assorted friends 2 nights, lunch with another friend and went to 2 readings at bookstores.  I have not yet finished the book but will post about it when I do.   It was written by a woman I am acquainted with who is a real hoot.  She gave good readings.  Better than I could ever hope to give assuming I ever finish my own book.  I can tell you that a lot of people are out there writing books judging by various coversations I took part in or overheard.  We all got some story to tell I suppose.

My nephew called to tell me that he has lost a tooth.  I asked which one and he replied “The loose one.”  The purpose of this call was for me to tell the tooth fairy that he will be in AZ tonight on his vacation and he wants his money tonight.  I promised I would text her today.  See, when my nephew was much younger I told him that I was having a terrible time.  I was going to meet Santa for cocktails and Santa was going to ask for a full report on him and I had bad reports to give.  I pull this out whenever he is behaving abominably and he straightens right up.  (The story has grown to include college parties attended with Santa and many other embellishments).  So, in his mind, it stands to reason that since I am chummy with Santa, and occasionally go to tea with the Easter Bunny, I must know the Tooth Fairy.   My time with these stories is running out.  He will be 6 in a few months and has already begun looking at me suspiciously from time to time.  So I assured him I would text the Tooth Fairy with this vital information.  I adore my nephew.  He is funny, he is smart and he is all the proof I need to know that life is worth living.

This humidity is killing me.   It is really horrible.  I am one of those people who gets nauseous from it.  Why the heck I still  live here I don’t know.  I need to buy a new air conditioner.   Another expense I do not need!

Nothing on the job front.  I doubt anything will turn up this week either since it is 4th of July week and tons of people will be on vacation.   Wish I could get out of here as well.

I feel PMS setting in.  This feeling  of depression, misery and sore boobs.   I have been getting my period for more than 30 years now.  Enough is enough.   I have been advised that menopause is brutal.  Great. 

And that is the end of my little happy mix of things for today.

June 16, 2008

It is both rainy and sunny at the same time…

Filed under: Uncategorized — girlwithhazeleyes @ 4:02 pm

Making me wonder if good old Mother Nature is going through a touch of PMS.

But it is a pretty good summation of my life as well these days.  Lots of sun and rain often at the same time.

I am still unemployed.  But have been keeping busy with many pleasant projects.

I saw my doctor last week who looked at me with shades of dismay that prompted me to go to a WW meeting right after.  I did let my weight run away with me and now I have to rein it back in.  I also have to go for a blood test tomorrow to measure some levels because of a med I take as well as the standard cholesterol, etc. levels.  Sigh. I get soooo squicked at the sight of blood and needles.  And then after that bit of rain I have to go to my 2nd WW meeting where I am sure I will have lost a pound or two.  I have been good.   Have not really eaten anything not on the approved lists all week.  But dear Lord was i not tempted the other day.  It was hot and I was cruising past a BR ice cream shop and desperately wanted their large chocolate shake.  Which clocks in in the neihgborhood of 900 calories.  *gasp*  I walked home and had a glass of Diet Pepsi instead.   While I felt good about passing up pure pleasure I was annoyed because I couldn’t have that pure pleasure.  Yeah, yeah, I know you are supposed to be able to work anything you want into the diet. But I also know all hell would have broken loose and I would have chomped and tore my way through numerous other things since “I blew it already for the day.”  It is this kind of thing I need to work on.  A dear old friend of mine from my college days has taken the bull by the horns and even drifted into the land of soy milk and tofu and has done really well losing about 7 dress sizes.  But I have to make it work with everyday food because to me tofu is like chewing on an eraser.   I don’t NEED to get used to it so I won’t.  Pass me some grilled chicken, thanks. 

The boy friend and I are clicking along pretty well at the moment.   He called earlier and was extremely enthusiastic about our upcoming date on Wednesday.  He blew even more kisses down the phone than he ever has before when we were hanging up.   Guess since he has not seen me since last week he has the good sense and taste to miss me.    The relationship is not really going anywhere at the moment.  Which is okay for the moment.  And I am not expecting anything to change on Wednesday.  But he was all excited about something.  My guess is he found the menu he was looking for last week and we can try a new bbq place.  God love him, it really takes very little to make him happy.  Some yummy food, plenty of sex, interesting conversation and not having to sit through “Idol” and he is good to go.

Despite being unemployed I got a promotion last week.  The original owner/moderator of a group I belong to has decided he needs a hand with our group as he runs like 63 others.  (I cannot imagine.)  So he asked me if I would step up since I am a regular participant and he thinks I know quite a bit about baseball.  I don’t think I know that much but it is one of my grand passions so I said yep and now have a shiny crown by my name on the members list.   I was tickled.   Proving it takes very little to make me happy either.

I have been growing agitated over the state of my baseball team.   We have been on a Manager Death Watch for weeks now.  My thinking is that if getting paid several million dollars a year to play a child’s game is not enough to motivate you to play your hardest and win games, I don’t know what a manager can do.  He is a good manager and has been a solid member of the New York baseball community for forever.    We shall see.  But it is getting wearing.

Speaking of wearing, time is wearing on and I have things I need to do.  Bills to pay, dishes to wash and trash to take out.   I do indeed live the most glamourous life, don’t I?

June 6, 2008

Are We Losing Our Compassion?

Filed under: Uncategorized — girlwithhazeleyes @ 9:54 pm

Yesterday, a man was hit by a car in Hartford, CT.  The driver who hit him sped away.  While someone called 911 and others caught the scene on their cellphones no one went to assist of comfort the man.  

Is this a sign that we are losing our compassion?

It is not the only sign I have noticed lately.   I read various articles online and often there are comment sections.  The articles will cover assorted tragedies:  Deaths, accidents,  deadly tonadoes, people stricken with cancer, etc.   And inevitably there will be comments alleging that “it was deserved,”  “the parents are to blame,”  “God sent a tornado to kill those people because we still have Roe v. Wade”.  Many are profanity laced.  Most are ignorant.  But why even say these things?  Someone is suffering and the only emotion others express is crassness.

Last week a teacher had her kindergarten class tell an autistic child why they didn’t like him and then, Survivor style, had him “voted off the island.”  Apparently the teacher egged the kids on.  Instead of helping children to understand and accept people with differences, she chose to teach ridicule and a lack of compassion.  She was removed from the class but has so far not lost her teaching license (as far as I know).

You Tube has been featuring videos of kids being beaten up by other kids while still more kids stand there and just watch.  I don’t get it.  What is the point of that?   Is technology turning us into barbarians?

I know that for every one of the above examples there are hundreds of people helping those in need, teachers demonstrating compassion,  kids standing up for other kids, people adopting special needs kids, or helping elderly neighbors.  That we as a nation have a high rate of volunteerism, and contribute to charities and jump in when disaster strikes but it is no less disturbing to see and read about times when people show no compassion or concern.

It just makes me sad.  And I worry that this is becoming more prevalent.


May 15, 2008


Filed under: Uncategorized — girlwithhazeleyes @ 5:59 pm

I got past the gloom of last week and am feeling far more optimistic and sunny.  Which, really, is not necessarily my natural state.  For many years I bordered on pessimism and trawled the waters of negativity.  Things slowly began to change for me when I hit 40 and promptly had a stroke (which I detailed in my first post).  Now almost 4 years removed from the “event” (doctors like to use that word rather than say “that time you had a stroke that triggered the seizure?  Remember?”  I guess “event” sounds less terrible) I feel less likely to fall into a funk.   I wake up, nothing has fallen off in the night, I am not disoriented or having any event, everyone important to me is in pretty good shape, I have my friends, I have my family and, much to my delight, I have my boyfriend.   Everything else is gravy.   For someone who took anti-depressants at one time this is huge.

Now some would say I live in a fool’s paradise.  That eventually I will work again.  And be back to commuting and dealing with all the ridiculousness corporate America dishes up.  And get back to being bummed.  But after a year of not having work define any part of me, I feel like I know who I am much better, like who I am and can really cope with the rest.  Relish what I enjoy about any given job, do it all to the best of my ability, and label the rest as just the annoyance you put up with for a steady paycheck and health insurance.  

Just the same I bought tickets for tomorrow night’s megamillions drawing.

I am amazed at myself.  I have killed a cactus.  How?  How can you kill a cactus?  I don’t know.  I followed the watering directions (few and far between).  Maybe I left it in the wrong kind of light.   I have never been good with plants.  Maybe it is a good thing I don’t have kids.  If I can kill a cactus for God’s sake! 

Well it is time for Jeopardy!  I get lots of answers right.  I would try out but KNOW that the day I was on every category would have to do with math and science, my buzzer would stick and I would get all sweaty on TV.   Not with all those people watching, thank you!

Later gator.




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